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Humour
The greatest power of a person is to make someone laugh and i hope thats what you will be doing
after reading this page, ive taken some of the best jokes i could find and put them in to a whole page
of fun i even added some picture jokes to give some extra fun to my page,i hope you enjoy my jokes
and if anyone has any extra jokes they thinkis worth being put on my site then plz do email me with
your jokes and ill gladly put them on my page!
Are you 18?
if not click here plz!
The reason i drink beer!
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liqour,
so he produced a experiment that involved a glass of water,a glass of whiskey and two worms.
Now class observe closely the worms,said the professor first putting a worm into the water,
the worm in the water writhered about happy as a worm in water could be,the second worm
he put into the whiskey,it writhered painfully and sank to the bottom,dead as a doornail.
Now what lesson can we derive from this experiment? the professor asked them!
johnny who naturaly sits at the back raised his hand and wisely responded
"drink whiskey and you wont get worms."
Deep thoughts!
A scuba diver 25 feet below the surface sees a guy without any diving gear on,so he decides
to drop down another 25 feet but when he takes a look around he sees the same guy.I cant
believe it thinks the scuba diver.he dives down another 25 feet and looks around,and sure
enough, theres the guy again.Amazed,the suba diver pulls out his underwater chalkboard
and writes. "how can you go so deep without any equipment?" the guy grabs the board and
writes "im drowning you idiot."!
The urinal!
Three men were using the urinals in a public toilet in the uk,the first man finished relieving himself,
zipped up, and proceded to stroll to the sinks and wash his hands using plenty of soap and water
doing a spledidly thourough job. As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels)he loftily
announced to know one in particular "at oxford, i learned to be clean aand sanitary. The man
then left the bathroom in a cloud of self-satisfaction.The second gent zipped up, and marched
briskly to the sinks, and scrubbed his hands with much less soap and water than the first guy,
doining a splendidly thourough job nonetheless.as he was drying his hands (with only 1 paper
towel) he serverely announced to no one in particular, "at cambridge i learned to be clean and
sanitary but i also learned to be thrifty and enviromentally coniscious.He then strode from the
bathroom with a purposeful air. The third man finished relieving himself, zipped up, and ambled
past the sinks to the door! muttering to himself in australia we learn not to piss on our hands!
Big party!
After the annual office party blowout, john woke up with a pounding headache, cotton mouthed
and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.After a trip yo the bathroom he
was able to make his wasy downstairs,where his wife put some coffee in front of him,louise
he moaned,tell me what went on last night.was it as bad as i think? even worse she assured
him, voice dripping with scorn. you made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonising
the entire senior management, and insulted the regional director general to his face.
"hes an asshole. i should have pissed on him."
"you did." louise informed him, your fired!
"well, SCREW HIM !!" yelled john.
"i did, your back at work on monday!!"
Dead!
A man returns from africa and is feeling very ill,he gose to see his doctor and is immediately rushed
to hospital, to undergo a barrage of tests. the man wakes up after the tests in a private room in hospital
and the phone at his bedside rings.This is your doctor weve had the results back from your tests and weve
found you have a extremely deadly virus, which is very contagious.
"oh my gosh, cried the man what are you going to do doctor?
"well were going to put you on a diet of pizzas,pancakes and pita bread.!"
"will that cure me! asked the patient!"
The doctor repied, well no, but......its the only food we can get under the door!!!
Oral!
A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex,he asked how often
you should have it, his grandfather told him when you first get married, you want it all the time----and maybe
do it several times a day. later on, sex tapers of and you have it once a week or so.Then as you get older
you have sex maybe once a month.When you get really old,you are lucky to have it once a year.............
maybe.....on your anniversery.The young fellow asked his grandfather, well now about you and grandma now?
his grandfather replied, "oh,we just have oral sex now."
"what do you mean, what is oral sex?" the young fellow asked!
"well," grandpa said "she gose to bed in her bedroom,and i go to bed in my bedroom.
and she yells, "fuck you!" and i holler back "fuck you too!."
Superman
Superman wakes up one day and realises that he has done everythink he could do in metropolis and he was totally bored.
He flies away in search of somethink to do. Pretty soon he comes across batman swinging across a few skyscrappers.
Superman yells down "hey batman, got anythink i can help you with?" batman shouts back up, "no, superman. ive got
everythink under control." Superman continues onward, eventually he flies over the ocean and looks down at aquaman,
superman yells " hey aquaman, gimme somethink to do. aquqman looks up and yells back, " sorry superman, theres
nothing for you to do here. Superman by this point is totally exasperated. He starts to fly back to metropolis when he all of
a sudden sees wonder woman lying nude on the beach. "Yes! thinks superman. " if i zoom down and do her really quick
like only i can do, she;ll never know what hit her.!" Superman swoops out the sky, dose his thing in about 5 seconds flat
and flies away before he gets caught.
Wonder woman opens her eyes with a shock and says in surprise "what was that all about?"
then the invisible man rolls of her and says "i dont know, but my ass is killing me!"
Third grade!
Three third graders- a jew, an italion and a black kid are on the playground at recess, the jewish kid suggets
that they play a new game.Lets see who has the largste penis! he says "okay" they all agreeed!
The jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out! "thats nothing"! says the italion kid, he whips
his out, his has a couple extra inches on it. not to be outdone the black kid whips his out, and it is by
far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and width.The jewish and italion are both stunned
and amazed,"wow that thing is huge"! they exclaim. That night, eating dinner at home, the black kids mum
asks him what he did at school today. "oh we worked on a science project, had a maths test and read aloud
from a new book...and during recess, my friends and i played "lets see who has the largest penis"!
"what kind of game is that?, honey"! says the mother.
"well me, sidney, and anthony each pulled out our penises and i have the biggest! the other kids say its cause
im black.is that true mom?"
the mom replies " no,honey its cause your twenty three"!
Three men in a bar!
There were three men drinking in a bar, a doctor, a attorney and a biker.
As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said " for valentines day im going to buy my wife a fur coat and
diamond ring.This way if she dosent like the fur coat shell still love me cause i got the diamond ring.
As the attorney was drinking his martini he said " for valantines day im going to buy my wife a designer
dress and a gold braclet.This way if she dosent like the dress shell still love me cause i got the braclet.
As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said " for valantines day im going to buy my wife a t-shirt
and vibrator.This way if she dosent like the t-shirt she can go fuck herself!!!
Click the pic below i have added a page with some
picture jokes on it please go and have a
look! Plz write me your comments
on what you think of my
pages thx!
